Links in a Chain

As I look back on the chain of past events, I sometimes wonder why their correlation was not apparent to me. My father is convinced that it all stemmed from a car accident so many years ago. I did not think so; but then the cause, as the Brain Scan showed was very real and physical. The scan showed extensive scarring on the frontal lobe of the brain. By the time it was discovered though, many years had passed and there was nothing to be done but deal with what was to come. Even if we had discovered this much earlier, we don't know if anything would have gone differently.

I am writing this because I need to. Maybe this will also help someone else.

Sometime after graduating college, the tension between my mother and I grew more intense. As the years passed, there were bouts of paranoia where she was convinced that people were conspiring against her. This caused friction with neighbors and acquaintances. Don't get me wrong; there were also some very good days. My father had to suffer through this more than I since I was away for most of these years. As she got older, she refused to see any specialist and her doctor misdiagnosed most everything. She did not want to move into my home, even though she knew it was necessary. Her obstinacy was a consequence of the disease - dementia causes the mind to seek comfort in familiar surroundings. I know this now.

It wasn't until about 6 months prior to her passing, that we finally had a true diagnosis. She had Frontal Lobe Dementia. The path to finding the real diagnosis was an ordeal in itself - it is a trail of incompetent doctors, doctors who diagnose by 'googling', doctors who just don't think before they act, and doctors who are everything you want healers to be - this in itself is another story.

In the last months, my mother would hear sounds and misinterpret them to be something directed at her. We tried a multitude of pain medications to control the neck and head pain that she had. I know the pain was real - she had compression of C1 and C2 vertebrae, probably caused by that car accident. And she may have had pain from her Dementia as well. No one really knows the full spectrum of symptoms. Food lost its true taste - what she liked before, she now hated. This could have been a result of the medication as well though. Interestingly, the high blood pressure which she had most of her life went away. As the days passed, she ceased to even attempt to walk - it was a chore for her to stand and walk the length of the bed. We began serving her meals in bed and we placed a commode next to the bed. Later it came to a point where I had to lift her up and onto the commode. I became the parent and she the child. Persuasion was not possible - she had to be treated and handled as you would a child.

Shortly after my mother's Dementia diagnosis, I met with the local Alzheimer's Association. They provided some information on how the disease would progress but did not offer any real help in getting assistance and giving us any real direction. It was purely by chance that a nurse suggested I contact one of the Hospices. We found a hospice which allowed us to keep my mother at home, they provided a hospital bed in our home. This was a real Godsend at the time when we needed it most. My mother's last three months were in 'at home' hospice care. By the time hospice had started, my father and I had become very strained from lifting and moving my mother to care for her. There were times when she and my dad ended up on the floor, rugs and floors became soiled - the constant cleaning was a chore. Hospice taught us how to care for her in the hospital bed. We were provided with bandages, salves and a suction machine to clear her throat. We received the proper tools and instruction on their use.

In the last few weeks, she lost the ability to chew and swallow. We transitioned from whole foods to pureed foods to baby foods in a couple of months.

Words became arbitrary - she made no sense and she did not understand us.

It is the most terrible thing to watch someone that you love and care for endure this. It is a strain to care for them 24 hours a day without a respite.

There were certain events which occurred when they were supposed to. I was able to move my parents in with my wife and I just weeks before her dementia worsened. We found hospice just as the strain was physically affecting us all. 'At home' hospice is covered my Medicare - this meant that my mother received loving care by her family - and the care was supplemented by medical professionals. The financial cost on my parents was small.

Thank you for coming to our aid when we needed you St Francis Hospice.
Thank you, my wife, for being there when I needed you.

Mother, please rest in peace. We miss you and remember you always.

Your son.

Breaking News

January 14, 2009 approx. 8pm.
The Safeway on Kapahulu Avenue.
We witnessed (by counting) at least 15 police cars and 1 ambulance in the parking lot. We also witnessed the coroner's van leaving the parking lot. Crime Scene tape was up in the parking lot near Burgers On The Edge and we observed police taking statements from many people.
With this amount of presence, the event must have been a shooting and the presence of the coroner's van indicates a fatality.

Turns out that this was a domestic dispute gone very bad. The woman asked someone at Safeway to call 911 because her life was in danger. A plainclothes police officer intervened, the man released a pit bull on the officer and the officer shot the pit bull. Dog did not die. Man was arrested.